The other day I heard a funny joke:
“Knock knock! Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce Who? Lettuce in and we’ll tell you!”
Pretty funny right? Right? I thought so too – but then I got thinking. What would really make a good joke? Not one where I’d chuckle and that’d be that, but a joke whereby the entire universe as we know it would be turned topsy-turvy, neutrons would split, and people from all over the land would be able to unite and laugh at this joke’s glory.
And then it came to me.
Yes, the world’s most popular food item, (OK, OK, that may or may not be made up – but in any case it SHOULD be the world’s most popular food item) is a perfect focal point for humour. I love to laugh, as I’m sure many of you out there do as well, so if bacon is thrown into the mix, the joke becomes that much better. In fact, there is no better segway into the first one-liner I have, brought to you directly from noted comedian, Jim Gaffigan.
1) “How good is bacon? Let’s put it this way: to improve OTHER food, they wrap it in bacon.”
- It’s true Jim. Just like many jokes before it, throw bacon into the mix and the joke becomes that much better. Same with this food analogy. Move other single-based scallops: you’re insignificant next to the power of bacon. Bacon wrapped scallops are the way of the future – I dare you to think of one other food that isn’t made better through the introduction of bacon.
2) “Why did the pig go into the kitchen?”
“He felt like bacon.”
- I could hear this joke 10 times daily and still have a good chuckle. The true mark of a legendary joke.
3) My parents told me this one from an early age to illustrate the difference between involvement and commitment:
“When trying to define the difference between involvement and commitment, think about a bacon and egg breakfast:
The hen was involved while the pig was committed.”
Almost as entertaining as bacon jokes, are bacon poems. Without further ado, I present you with a bacon inspired poem:
You taste so good,
With fat a-drippin’,
And in the pan,
You’re finger-lickin’ (good),
I never cook you,
In portions meager,
You hiss and pop,
Which makes me eager,
To chomp you down,
With eggs and toast,
But I love you bacon,
I love you most.
Seriously, this is the stuff of champions.
Finally, brought to you by the same comedian who provided the first quotation in this article, I present to you a hilarious youtube clip of Jim Gaffigan, doing his bacon stand-up routine.
I CHALLENGE you to watch the entirety of this clip and not laugh at least once.
But don’t just take it from me. What your favourite bacon joke? Do you have any personal zingers? Did you laugh at the youtube clip?! BE HONEST.