Bacon and football have a long history of togetherness. Footballs are called “pigskins”, after all. But the connection doesn’t need to end there. At the Republic of Bacon, we are always searching for ways to help you bring bacon into new parts of your life. Here are some great ideas for getting a little more pigskin out of your enjoyment of football.
This seems awfully literal, but why not just make a goddamn football out of bacon? I don’t really recommend this, because, well: THE QUESTIONS. What happens when you catch it? Are you supposed to catch it in your mouth? What exactly is inside it? Wouldn’t you be ruining perfectly good bacon by letting it fall into the grass and potentially risk having squirrels or your neighbours take off with it?
I think a much better idea is waiting until you are finished with your football game before fooling around with bacon. Or better yet, just watch football on TV and leave the exercise to professionals. You have some bacon to eat.
Which brings us to…
2. A football stadium made out of various things, including bacon
I think the only reasonable response to this concoction is: OMG. No, make that ZOMG. Although the invention is clearly impressive – the mixture of sweet (Twinkies) and salty (cheese and bacon!) is genius – the resulting calorie count is insane. Eating the entire thing will rack up 24,375 calories.
This makes me think that whoever created this clearly didn’t understand the importance of bacon. You don’t just drown it in a sea of Twinkies! It needs to be recognized. It needs to be adored. It needs a…
3. Football Trophy
Bacon deserves respect. Too often we just casually throw it into sizzling pans without a second thought about how wonderful this miracle meat truly is. We need to honour bacon and make sure that people truly appreciate it.
A trophy is a great idea. We all love winning stuff – heck, I certainly do – but sometimes winning stuff can be hard. And sports trophies are particularly hard to get. I mean, you have to get off the couch occasionally to win most of them (I’m not so sure about those bowling trophies), and getting off the couch is always a terrible idea.
So why not make yourself a Lombardi Trophy out of bacon? Sure, it’s not made of whatever fancy metal the original is made of, but isn’t this better? And as far as I know, no one has made a bacon Grey Cup, so you will be completely original if you do.
Image from Intentional Foul
Surprise your friends with a bacon Grey Cup this year! Trust me: they’ll be surprised.