Aside from Kevin Bacon, bacon gets the short end of the stick in Hollywood. Thankfully, there are many dedicated baconophiles on the Internet who have decided to fix this terrible problem. Here are some of our favourite movies made better with bacon.
Bacon to the Future
If I had a time machine, I know what I’d be searching for: bacon! Or, at the very least, some way of increasing my chances of having bacon in the future. Like, instead of saving his parent’s marriage, maybe Marty could have encouraged his father to work for a bacon company. He could have suggested some choice bacon stocks. Sure, his father may not have gotten the girl of his dreams, but Marty would be filled with bacon for his entire life. FAIR TRADE.
Three Men and a Bacon
I know a lot of men who would probably agree that they would have preferred a movie about men and bacon to a movie about men and a baby. In fact, my only issue with this movie poster is that I don’t know if I want bacon peeing on me. Or maybe the bacon is so fresh it has left some bacon grease on Tom Selleck’s khakis? Yeah, that’s it. I’m going to go with that explanation.
One day, someone will get around to making a bacon-centred airline. Until they do, we can only imagine, in our quieter moments, the deliciousness of enjoying an inflight bacon sandwich, served with bacon cupcakes and a refreshing bacontini. Hopefully, the airline will also have fewer explosions than the one shown here. Unless they are bacon explosions.
Bacon the Waterfront
On the Waterfront is a classic of cinema. It is one of Marlon Brando’s most famous roles. In many ways, it can never be improved. Except, of course, if more bacon was included in it. Remember all of those scenes exploring the brutality of mob corruption and violence among the working class in Hoboken, New Jersey? Okay, you might not remember this because not many people have seen this movie. JUST GO WITH ME. Now, imagine these scenes exactly the same, but with more gratuitous bacon eating. Yeah? Definitely much better. I think they should take away Elia Kazan’s Oscar until he recuts the movie to my satisfaction.
Harry Potter and the Half-Bacon Prince
You don’t get to be one of the richest writers in the world without the help of a little bacon. I know that people usually don’t talk much about the bacon in the Harry Potter books, but it’s there. Trust me. I know it seems relatively bacon-free, but you just have to believe it exists. If you believe hard enough, and if you love bacon hard enough, suddenly, you’ll realize it’s been there all along. For example, I don’t see anything wrong with this movie poster. Isn’t the movie about Harry Potter being half bacon? If it weren’t, I can’t see why everyone would go crazy about it so much. (On a similar note, isn’t Twilight about some girl who can’t choose between two types of bacon?)
Do you have any more ideas for bacon-related movies? If you do, can you make a bacon-based photoshop and share it with us?