For us carnivores, teeth are important. You can’t eat a chewy piece of bacon without a healthy pair of gnashers, so it’s always a good idea to take care of your teeth. This generally means regular maintenance and check-ups from the dentist. But even us bacon-fanatics can get a little behind on our teeth-cleaning regimens. After all, cleaning your teeth is boring. That’s why I want to introduce you to some exciting bacon-flavoured teeth cleaning options. Sure, they may not be as effective as some more traditional methods, but they are certainly tastier.
Well, you knew it had to happen. Think of all that kissing you’ve missed out on because your breath didn’t smell like bacon. I know! Shocking. Archie McPhee offers us this bacon toothpaste to rectify any problems we might have in the breath department. The toothpaste doesn’t promise much in the tooth-decay-prevention-department, but it does taste like bacon. And if you didn’t believe them, they do provide this video advertising the benefits. You are advised to notice that Bacon Toothpaste is not edible, and should not be used as a condiment (in case you were wondering.)
Let’s just admit it: none of us floss. We tell the dentist we do, but that’s because we don’t want him to yell at us. However, if you do splash out on some bacon floss, I have a feeling you’ll be able to turn that lie upside down (Cause the truth is an upside down lie? I guess?). With this floss, the chore of flossing will become your new favourite thing to do. You might even start neglecting your family for your new bacon flossing habit. You’ll know if you’ve gone too far if you start selling your kids’ toys to help cover your bacon floss-related expenses. But anything less than that is perfectly fine.
Bacon mints. I think I’ll just let that hang there for a minute before I take a crack at making a joke about it. Bacon mints. Yes, that’s right: bacon mints. Minty bacon. Bacon mints. Like some crazed experiment, bacon mints are really testing the boundaries of the saying that bacon goes with everything. I haven’t had any bacon mints, so I’ll reserve judgement in favour of bacon’s awesomeness. But you know this is some crazy, whacked out stuff. I can only hope that I’m right in the end.
If all of the above seems too out there for you, there’s always bacon toothpicks. Sure, they won’t clean your teeth, but is that what you really need from a bacon oral care product? Don’t you just want your breath and mouth to taste like bacon after every meal? Bacon toothpicks will help with all of those times when you’ve eaten something incredibly horrible – like something vegetarian – and you need to get the flavour out of your mouth as soon as possible.
Will you be trying any oral care products anytime soon?