We at the Republic of Bacon are concerned. We’ve heard that people are trying to co-opt the proud name of bacon for an evil purpose. These people think they have a good excuse – they say they just want to coin a new term. We say that they are slandering our nation’s very reason for existence. So what’s the big deal? Here’s the thing: computer scientists have decided that the big problem in our email inboxes isn’t spam. It’s bacon (or, as it is mis-spelled by these slanderers: “bacn”). In fact, they say that you’re inbox is probably filled with lots of hidden bacon. I’d think bacon filling up your inbox would be something everyone would be dying to have. But that’s not the case. All of the details of this crazy state of affairs after the break.
What is bacn?
Bacn, according to the Christian Science Monitor, is not the delicious meat we all associate with the happiest moments in our life. Instead, it’s something that, in its own way, is even more insidious than spam. You see, in recent years, our spam filters have gotten pretty good at blocking unsolicited emails. So good, in fact, that only the most desperate try to use spam to get to people anymore.
But we still get tons of emails that, although legitimately addressed to us, often feel pretty close to spam. They are like the direct mail of the web: they are all those notifications and e-newsletters and coupon offers that we signed up for once, and that we now get on a regular basis. It’s these weird section of emails that needed a name. And at a Pittsburgh technology conference, they got one: bacon.
Bacon Could Threaten the Internet
This may not sound like much of an issue. Heck, you may think that “bacon” is the exact right name because you love it so much. But this Mashables infographic breaks down the dirty details for you. Bacn is everywhere (if only the real thing was!): almost four pieces of bacon fly around the Internet for every person on this planet. And the Internet is only going to get more clogged with bacon: retailers get over $40.00 in profit for every $1.00 they spend on bacon.
Fight for Bacon’s Good Name
So, it’s really not a good thing. It’s a pretty annoying thing, actually. If you want to get rid of it, it usually takes a minute to unsubscribe to each email. And if we are getting more than four a day? Forget about it.
And this is my big problem with the whole bacn thing: why did they have to use such a great, wonderful word. What, after all, did bacon do to anyone that wasn’t positive and wonderful and sweet? Nothing. So maybe they should consider using another word that deserves it. Like “tofu” or “meat-free” or “vegan.” In fact, vegn sounds so much better than bacn. I suggest that, if someone ever uses this new version of the word “bacon” in front of you, you simply can reply, “Eww! My email account is filled up with all of this lame vegn!”