It’s a well-known fact that bacon is freakin’ everywhere, its in cookie recipes and even in cologne. There are still some places I don’t expect it. I know the Internet is like, 72% bacon – and that’s including the vegan websites. (Bacon is the gateway meat for vegetarians, after all.) But I generally assumed that IRL bacon was confined to food items like bacon sandwiches and chocolate soufflés and alcoholic cocktails.

This is apparently not the case. Bacon has broken through its edible shackles and has merged with the most unlikely thing ever: caves. Yes, apparently bacon is not a man-made product – it’s also a geological process. The full story of what in the world this thing called cave bacon is, follows after the break.


What Caves Have Been Cooking Up Lately

Cave bacon is exactly what it sounds like: it’s bacon that grows in caves. Wait a minute, Mr. Andrew Back Bacon, why do you lie to us so? How can a cave “grow”? Well, my friend. I’m glad you asked this very important question. Cave bacon is actually a cave formation. It’s this crazy thing where sheets of rock grow out of the ceilings of particular caves. The sheets are thin and wavy, and due to their shiny, streaky appearance, they look almost exactly like bacon that just happens to be rock. (Yah, sadly, you probably don’t want to eat this bacon.) There’s some pics on the Wikipedia site that can give you a full idea of what I’m talking about. Look at that? Isn’t sort of freakishly edible-looking?


How Does Cave Bacon Form?

But you are probably also wondering: where in the heck does cave bacon come from? Cave Bacon is formed when water ripples down from the ceiling from the cave, carrying with it calcium carbonate, also known as calcite. According to Wikipedia, they are one of the most common Speleothem in limestone caves and … wait a second – WAKE UP! Okay, okay. I know. You come here for bacony deliciuosness, not for some geology lessons. Sheesh! Just trying to bring you some learnin’. I could have just told you that the magical Cave People grow it using their Hypno Spatulas and Electro Frying Pans, and who would have been better off then, hrmmm? Yah, I thought so.


What Should I Do With This Information?

Firstly, this should remind you: if you can think of something plus bacon, it’s probably been done before. In this case, caves have been making bacon for millions – nay! – billions of years. I’m sure that when we started making it, any cave formations in the adjacent area yawned and said, “That is, like, so last millennia.” Also, as the saying goes: bacon makes everything better. Ten minutes before you started reading this post, you thought caves had nothing to offer you. Now, YOUR WORLD IS FLIPPED UPSIDE DOWN.


Unfortunately, I do not know the location of any nearby cave bacon. And frankly, I’m not sure I’d want to tell you! Spelunking is not for the amateur. So, let’s just enjoy the knowledge of cave bacon while enjoying our own pieces of bacon.