As I’ve discussed elsewhere, almost everything in existence has become paired with bacon. Whatever you can think of, somewhere on the Internet, someone has made a bacon version of it.
These range from the sublime (bacon chocolate, bacon cupcakes) to the bizarre (bacon tattoos). But we think that the Internet’s baconizing ways have not gone far enough. We need more bacon! And so, after the break follows our candidates for what needs to be baconified next.
Weddings are supposed to be the most special time of one’s life. Bacon is everyone’s favourite food. So why aren’t people having bacon weddings? Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen a few half-hearted attempts at bacon wedding cakes (this “cake” is in a pot!), but where are the full-blown orgies of baconosity? Why no fully bacon-catered weddings? No bacon-themed wedding gifts? What exactly is wrong with everyone?
On the flipside, this does mean that if you do throw a bacon wedding, you’ll be the first on your block to do so! So, if you are planning a bacon wedding, let us know – we’d love to be invited! (And we have just the wedding gifts for you.)
Related to the above, but somewhat different: why are there no places for bacon-loving fans to meet and fall in love with like-minded souls? Almost every sexual preference, socioeconomic group and hobby has a dating site that caters to it – except for the bacon lover. Now, I would like to think that the comment section of our site could offer some opportunities for bacon-flirting, but I know that most people would like the structure and privacy of an actual dating site. So, web developers get busy! Our bacon singletons need your help!
I don’t really know how this would work – wouldn’t everyone simply want to eat their wages? – but it would be great, wouldn’t it? At the very least, we should have images of bacon put on our currency. Or what if our money was printed on paper to look like bacon? I obviously should run the Mint.
Every day that I do this blog, I notice many places and events around the world that need to be visited by any true bacon lover. Why doesn’t someone put together a tour package that allows the true bacon lover to enjoy as much bacon as humanly possible? Why do we have wine tours of Niagara-on-the-Lake, and no comparable bacon-tasting tours? This is a problem that needs to be fixed, stat!
Related to the above, is bacon bars. Many bars hold successful bacon nights, but as of yet, no fully formed bacon bar has appeared in the night-time ecosystem. Since Toronto and Montreal have many sniche bars already in existence – like vodka bars and such – it seems strange that no enterprising hipster has taken the plunge on a full-on, get-your-bacon-cocktails-here, bacon bar. We are waiting, my friends!
Whatever Your Heart Desires
What do you want bacon to be added to? Let us know, and if it’s in our power, we’ll make it happen. Otherwise, we will spread the word!